The boys and I spent the entire day here at the house, again. Man it is getting old. Michael's truck was overheating due to something being wrong with the head. Either a crack or the gaskets need replaced. This really makes me mad because it is going to cost at least $1000 to get it fixed. That is $1000 we don't have and he had to borrow from his retirement. He will pay back a little each week out of his check. It is better than borrowing from the bank, but I hate that we have to do this at all. Anyway, he has been driving my vehicle and that leaves the boys and I at home all day. If we could have went outside today it would have been a lot smoother day. But, as luck would have it, it rained until late this evening, and we were cooped up in this house. Thank God for Legos.
Yesterday I had a really down day. I did better with my food/exercise, but my mood was in the pits. I really don't know exactly why, but I felt so alone. I really miss working outside the home. Well, maybe it isn't the work, I just miss socializing with other adults. I feel like I have no friends. No real ones in real life anyway. I have several really good friends that I talk to online, but our phone never rings unless it is my Mom and I couldn't tell you the last time I spent a day with a friend. Before anyone gets the wrong impression, this has nothing to do with Michael. He is fantastic. It would just be nice to have some girl friends.
In high school I didn't have a lot of friends, but the ones I had were fantastic. One lives about 20 minutes from me, but never calls. I spent a lot of time trying to be her friend when I was in college, but I think my decision to go to a different one from her cost me her friendship. Another moved away and found a life there that didn't involve me. Then sadly, the one girl I had been closest to since third grade passed away.
I have Mel, she is my sister-in-law, my best friend, and she is great but we rarely get to see each other in person. She lives about 45 minutes away and with gas prices they way they are, we don't get to visit like I would hope. Thank goodness for the Internet and being able to talk to her all the time on here. If not, I'd go completely insane. I appreciate her so much.
I'm not sure why, but with most people (not including Michael or Mel) I feel I always end up being the friend that gives everything and never receives anything in return. I am the friend who calls, who asks you over, cooks you dinner, who remembers birthdays and anniversaries. I am the friend who really cares, who you can call in the middle of the night and I'll be there. Yet, I am the one who gets walked all over. A phone call every six months to tell me about some affair they are having with a married man because they know they can tell me anything and I am there for them even if I don't agree with what they are doing. I am there for them to talk to without passing judgement. But once they don't need that anymore, I am dropped like a hot potato.
My cousin has this fantastic friend who calls her multiple times a day, their families hang out every weekend. When she is sick, the friend brings her potato soup. I am that friend to others, why can't I have a friend like that in my life?
In the past, I think I let people treat me badly because I felt like I didn't have a choice. Once I realized I didn't have to let people treat me that way, they all walked away. Leaving me alone.
Sorry to ramble... I just needed to get all this out. I just want someone to call and actually ask how my day has been. To listen, to care. I want someone who accepts the fact that I am best friends with my husband and that I'm not going to go out partying with out him. Someone who is OK with the fact that if I go shopping, my kids come along. I am a family person, but I deserve friends too, right?
Right now, I could go weeks without a phone call other than from my Mom. I could go weeks without posting on Facebook without anyone even wondering where I am. To me that is kind of sad.
OK, back on track... Food today has been ok. I didn't do horrible, but I ate more than I should have. My calories are still within my limits, but I am sure I cut into my exercise burn.
I did climb my front steps today. One of my goals for TRFSC was to go up and down 30 times. I made it. My thighs were burning and I felt pretty smothery at the end with all this chest congestion going on, but I still did it. Maybe I'll go for 35 or 40 times when I am feeling 100%. I also got on the treadmill and walked a half a mile. I know a half of a mile is no where near what I can do, but I'm still sick and walking was making me cough like a madman.
I think I'm getting my mojo back, I even got on the scales this morning. I saw a nice drop. I'm very close to where I was before my crazy 2 lbs gain. If I could just get over this cold and get my eating back in line.
I guess I better get my pity partying rear in the bed. I already feel a million times better just by getting that all out in the air. Thank you all so much for reading and commenting. I appreciate you all so much!