Day 65

Today is day 50 of logging into My Fitness Pal. I can't believe I made it 50 days straight! That is amazing to me. I find counting calories boring and I hate having to weigh and/or measure my food. BUT it works. If you stay within your limit and exercise, you WILL lose weight. That is why I keep doing it. I want to be held accountable. I want to know what I have had and what I can have later if I am hungry. AND it makes more sense to me than Weight Watchers or any points program. Calories I can wrap my head around. I know how they calculate it. I don't get how they choose the points with Weight Watchers. So I stick with simple. I feel like screaming at WW and saying dumb it down, people.  Why pay for someone to tell you points when you can count calories for free. Anyway.. rant over.

Today was an emotional roller-coaster. I am emotionally and physically drained. Today was my birthday and I was pretty upbeat about that. Even though I am getting older. However my children chose today to act as if they were raised by wolves. Horrible behavior. Ugh. It was so frustrating.

I had a lot of cleaning to do in the house today after all the rearranging we did yesterday. I accomplished a lot but still didn't get it perfect. Oh well. We live here, play here, teach her, exercise here. It isn't going to be spotless. My washing machine timer or switch or something is messed up. It will only run water in on hot and I don't want to wash every load on hot. Thats a lot of $$$$. So I ended up packing 5 gallon buckets of water from the bathtub to the washer to fill it up. It was a royal pain in the rear, but I'm sure I built some muscle. Who needs weights? Psha. Thats for wimps. Haha. Then of course I don't own a dishwasher and I had dishes left from yesterday on top of the ones from today. So I spent forever scrubbing away on the dishes. It should be illegal to wash dishes on your birthday!

Mom was feeling a little better this morning and that kept me trucking along the lines of sanity. She had dialysis yesterday and they took 5 lbs of fluid off of her. So she wasn't hurting as bad as he had been and was only smother when she went to the bathroom (took her oxygen off). They came in today to do dialysis again and this time they took of 10 lbs of fluid. My mom is itty bitty. They didn't weigh her or anything. So of course, her body isn't strong enough to stand that. Her BP shot through the roof, her heart was flip-flopping, and the rate got up to 150+. This is unreal for her as hers stays in the low 60s. She was sweating and so weak should couldn't even open her eyes. She said that she knew she was gone. They gave her some fluids via IV and meds to lower her heart rate. She felt a little better but is still super sick and was sleeping last time I talked to Dad. I love my Mom with everything in me and it absolutely kills me not to be able to help her get better. I just cry and pray.

This is where the emotional eating comes in to play. The last time she got this sick, I had lost 70+ lbs and ended up gaining all that back plus more! I can't let myself do that this time. I have to learn to handle my stress in another way.

I managed to keep my calories within my pre-set limits of 1300-1700. But, I really wanted to grab a bag of Buffalo Doritos and stuff myself. It is a good thing we didn't have any in the house.

I REALLY didn't want to get on the treadmill. I just wanted to cry and pray. I made myself get on and walk a mile. I can't give in to stress. I have to stick with this!

I can do this!!!