Sunday, March 11, 2012

Day 71

Today was so-so. I went to Moms. My sister, Missy, and I cleaned up Moms dishes that she had left from yesterday and then cooked dinner. Cleaned the dishes and mess left after everyone ate.  We always try to do the rest of the house and her laundry too. Just to help her out. But, if we hadn't been there today, it wouldn't have got done. She was too sick to do anything really. We offered to make her a plate and take it to her chair in the livingroom. Of course, she wouldn't let us. But you could see how much effort it took just for her to get up and make a plate for herself. She was pale and looked so weak. It breaks my heart to see her like that.

The kids had a blast playing with their cousins. After all the cleaning was finished my sister Opal showed up and we all 3 helped sort out orders for the church fundraiser. That took forever, but we are ready to send it in, finally.

Food wasn't so bad at first. I had meatloaf, cooked potatoes, and corn. No bread. Which wasn't too horrible as I hadn't ate breakfast. As the afternoon went on, we fixed hotdogs for the kids and I ended up eating. I didn't even think about the calorie count until I came home. Then I felt super guilty. I haven't ate since I have been home except to have a banana, some nutella, and almond milk. I didn't even attempt to put everything in on MFP. I am sure I am over my calorie limit.

As I was getting ready to leave from Moms, we were having a conversation about donating a kidney to Mom. Opal asked if I had finally found out the BMI limit for donating. I told her the living donor coordinator told me they had never operated on anyone with a BMI of 40 or above. My brother looked at me and said "That sure to goodness counts you out then." I just looked at him dumfounded. He was laughing. He probably didn't mean to hurt me, but it really did. I am super emotional. I told him what my BMI is and that I need to lose at least 30 more lbs. He laughs and says "If that's your BMI, mine is 15!" My chin hit the floor. Was he seriously being just a jerk? Yes! He is not thin by any stretch of the imagination. He is around 230-250 lbs!  I just got my stuff together and came home. I ended up crying the whole way home. How can people be so hurtful?!

I felt like coming home and sitting down with a big bag of chips. But I didn't. I even admitted to Michael that I felt like eating because I was upset. That is a step in the right direction, right?

I did force myself to get on the treadmill for a mile tonight. I didn't want to walk as I was tired from cleaning at Moms, but I did it.

I need to be 100% back on track tomorrow. I need that motivation back. I think it is time to pull The Biggest Loser back up on Netflix. Or maybe Ruby. I love Ruby. She is such an inspiration to me.

What do you do to get back on track? I can't go to the rec center cause my membership expired today and I can't afford to pay for another month right at the moment. If I could find something good to watch on Netflix that would distract me.. I could walk for longer amounts of time on the treadmill here at home without feeling bored stiff. Any suggestions?


  1. Hugs!! You have so much going on and it is hard to stay motivated, but you are doing a great job. Please don't be so hard on yourself. You're being accountable as well. So today (or yesterday) wasn't such a good day food wise, just write it off and get on track the next day. It happens sometimes. I made it to 40 lbs lost this morning, then went to breakfast with my best friend and didn't make such good food choices...and I had homemade lasagna for dinner. I felt so incredibly guilty, but I know that I don't do this every day and it's going to be okay. I didn't dare enter it on MFP. I was going to but I already KNOW I screwed up, you know? The rest of the week I will watch my calories and exercise my butt off.

    I get your brother hurting your feelings, I'm pretty sensitive too. I wish people would think before they speak sometimes and Hell, even with a 40lb loss, my BMI is still 40.2! Try not to think about it because he probably wasn't trying to hurt your feelings, next time tell him to shut his face, lol.

    As for your exercise, ugh, I hate using a treadmill so I feel your pain. We have a Total Gym set up in our spare room and that is what I use for exercise, along with walking. The weather here is going to be fabulous this week, so I plan on getting some good walking in. When I did use the treamill I always read a book or a magazine or had music blasting.

    Remember that you are doing a terrific job and hang in there! One day at a time....

    1. Hi Tracey!

      Thank you for the kind, supportive, encouraging words.

      Congrats on 40 lbs lost! That rocks! I am so very proud of you. WTG!!!!

      Even though I had a bad day on Sunday, I pulled myself up by my bootstraps and had a better day on Monday. Got my treadmill time in (read while on there), kept my calories in check, and didn't have a Diet Coke. How did it go for you?

      As far as telling off my brother goes... I'd never be able to do that. I am too emotional. If I am too happy, too sad, hurt, or about any emotion in between.. I cry. So it is hard to get my point across. It is annoying to be that way, but I can't help it.

      I hope today is a great Tuesday for the both of us!!!

      Thanks for stopping by, reading, and commenting. Makes my day!

      Have a good one!

  2. There's no excuse for what your brother said. Wow. Talk about being rude. Is it possible he is feeling self-conscious about his own weight (whether he realizes it or not) and, on some level, feels the need to take jabs at you to deflect from his own dissatisfaction? Either that or he's completely out of touch with his own size and just doesn't get it.

    To be honest, when it comes to getting motivated, I come to your blog to see how you're doing! It's true! Thanks to your daily posts, I've worked out six days out of the past seven. I'm always determined to do 2 miles a day (like you do!). I even mentioned you in my last video update. :) I don't mean to sound like a stalker or a superfan, but I've just been really inspired by your determination.

    Beyond your blog, I'm motivated by an upcoming trip to NYC and the desire to lose enough weight so that I can do various workout DVDs and not always have to be on the treadmill (because it's the most comfortable workout I can do at the moment).

    Thank you for sharing weight loss stuff. :)