Today was so-so. I went to Moms. My sister, Missy, and I cleaned up Moms dishes that she had left from yesterday and then cooked dinner. Cleaned the dishes and mess left after everyone ate. We always try to do the rest of the house and her laundry too. Just to help her out. But, if we hadn't been there today, it wouldn't have got done. She was too sick to do anything really. We offered to make her a plate and take it to her chair in the livingroom. Of course, she wouldn't let us. But you could see how much effort it took just for her to get up and make a plate for herself. She was pale and looked so weak. It breaks my heart to see her like that.
The kids had a blast playing with their cousins. After all the cleaning was finished my sister Opal showed up and we all 3 helped sort out orders for the church fundraiser. That took forever, but we are ready to send it in, finally.
Food wasn't so bad at first. I had meatloaf, cooked potatoes, and corn. No bread. Which wasn't too horrible as I hadn't ate breakfast. As the afternoon went on, we fixed hotdogs for the kids and I ended up eating. I didn't even think about the calorie count until I came home. Then I felt super guilty. I haven't ate since I have been home except to have a banana, some nutella, and almond milk. I didn't even attempt to put everything in on MFP. I am sure I am over my calorie limit.
As I was getting ready to leave from Moms, we were having a conversation about donating a kidney to Mom. Opal asked if I had finally found out the BMI limit for donating. I told her the living donor coordinator told me they had never operated on anyone with a BMI of 40 or above. My brother looked at me and said "That sure to goodness counts you out then." I just looked at him dumfounded. He was laughing. He probably didn't mean to hurt me, but it really did. I am super emotional. I told him what my BMI is and that I need to lose at least 30 more lbs. He laughs and says "If that's your BMI, mine is 15!" My chin hit the floor. Was he seriously being just a jerk? Yes! He is not thin by any stretch of the imagination. He is around 230-250 lbs! I just got my stuff together and came home. I ended up crying the whole way home. How can people be so hurtful?!
I felt like coming home and sitting down with a big bag of chips. But I didn't. I even admitted to Michael that I felt like eating because I was upset. That is a step in the right direction, right?
I did force myself to get on the treadmill for a mile tonight. I didn't want to walk as I was tired from cleaning at Moms, but I did it.
I need to be 100% back on track tomorrow. I need that motivation back. I think it is time to pull The Biggest Loser back up on Netflix. Or maybe Ruby. I love Ruby. She is such an inspiration to me.
What do you do to get back on track? I can't go to the rec center cause my membership expired today and I can't afford to pay for another month right at the moment. If I could find something good to watch on Netflix that would distract me.. I could walk for longer amounts of time on the treadmill here at home without feeling bored stiff. Any suggestions?